I probably should call my doctor before I call an audible, but after 4 days, I’ve taken myself off anti-depressants. No, my life hasn’t changed dramatically in 4 days’ time. But I can’t deal with the side effects — foggy brain, thick tongue, constant yawning, jaw clenching. What’s up with that? Would these symptoms have passed if I’d only held on until day 5? I will never know. Plus, even with my new and improved insurance, these pills would’ve set me back $180 a month. So I will find a way to be happy without a clenched jaw and with $180 in my pocket.

I just need to do the obvious. Convince a doctor that my daughter has ADD and steal her Adderall medication. I don’t know if it’ll make me any happier, but I’ll get stuff done. At least that’s what that 20/20 special said…or whatever show that was playing in the background when I was curled up in the fetal position on the living room floor. APPARENTLY, moms all over the country are stealing their kids’ Adderall and becoming super women overnight. And APPARENTLY, this is an accepted practice because this woman talking about her newfound Adderall addiction didn’t insist on having her face blurred out behind a smoke screen or disguise her voice like Freddy Krueger. She was almost giddy as she described how she got the shakes and heart palpitations if she didn’t get her fix. And except for the side effects — which included more heart palpitations and the shakes — she would highly recommend it to all her sister-friends.

But for now I shall be drug-free. Maybe I’ll just go gluten-free. I’ll self-diagnose my allergy right now.