I am sitting here at my laptop — unshowered and roots un-dyed. Why bother when I got stood up for dinner? But at least I got stood up a good hour before I was about to begin my lengthy grooming process. Yes, I am thankful for that. I’m also thankful that I had the idea before I began my grooming process to let my dinner date know what libations were available at my home, just in case I didn’t have something to his liking. Yes, that’s when my text was met with a “Huh?” No, he had no idea what I was talking about. He didn’t have a clue that less than 24 hours before, he had asked me to dinner at 8pm. And I knew in that instant of “Huh?” that he would be nowhere near my house at the appointed time.

That’ll teach me not to accept a dinner invitation via text again. That’s been my rule forever, but I decided, Hey! When’s the last time I was asked out to dinner by text or otherwise? Why not ease up a bit on my stupid texting rule?? Just go with the flow! Have fun! See what happens!! THIS is what happens.

The thing is, it’s very difficult to determine another person’s level of sobriety and his/her ability to remember asking you to dinner when the entire discussion takes place via text. But at least there was that entire texting transaction for him to go back and review. At LEAST there was that. And since I went to all the trouble of getting a sitter, I now have an entire night to finish laundry, organize my freezer and pantry, and clean my bathroom floors. And it doesn’t matter what I smell like or how gray my roots are because AIN’T NOBODY HERE TO SNIFF ME OR RUN HIS FINGERS THROUGH MY HAIR! And I might as well go ahead and finish off the rest of that Christmas chocolate, too, because AIN’T NOBODY HERE TO SQUEEZE ON THAT ROLL HANGING OVER MY BRITCHES, NEITHER!

I’ve procrastinated long enough. The pantry and freezer are organized. I just threw another load of laundry in the dryer. And hey! It’s only 8pm! Time to wipe away that tear and get started on those bathroom floors.