Well it finally happened and it hasn’t happened since I was about 15. I threw up from running. UGH. That shows I definitely haven’t pushed myself hard enough since about 1998. Is it bizarre that I enjoy that kind of pain? I seriously think I relish this kind of feeling. I have no desire to do any kind of fitness competition like a triathlon or marathon, but I am so internally competitive that I like being pushed to the limit of pure exhaustion. I made it home and could barely make it through half of my required television viewing-The Bachelor-before I stumbled into my bed at 9 and passed out. I think my biggest issues these days is not being able to turn off my brain and that is the solution. This job requires so much thinking and creativity and quickness and that brain muscle is often just spent after a few days of work. I seriously struggle to turn off my brain at the end of a day. I’ve tried reading, but that isn’t as soothing as it used to be because of how much I read for work everyday. I have been on a mission for the last few months to figure out to healthily turn off my brain.
Yoga? Blah. I know it’s good for me, but all I do is watch the clock and think about the things I have to do or have been procrastinating and also how ridiculously tight my hamstrings are. Meditation? Nope. Can’t relax. Sure taking medicine helps, but I would prefer to NOT be that xanaxed housewife later in life. SO if you have any ideas for me to chill, I would greatly appreciate it. There are a few requirements though. It can’t be super demanding of time, since it’s super limited during the week. It can’t be physically demanding since I like my exercise regimen. That’s about it. I need something that makes me relax for about an hour a day, maybe less. I am considering headed to the improv to take some classes and perhaps even perform on Friday nights. I KNOW I’m not a comedian and I don’t aspire to be, and I know I am not even very good at improv, but I have found that bettering one’s self can really make life more fulfilling. That may sound so obvious, but I really start losing sight of what makes ME happy. I don’t have the answer now, and I admit that I’m envious of those that do know. I know that whatever I’m doing now isn’t it. Working my ass off to go out one night a weekend and get drunk and eat so unhealthy it cancels out my entire gym week is not that path to my happiness. I suppose I have this fear that I will look back and regret not being more social once I am older and can’t be as social. I have this inclination to be a complete homebody and I get that from my dad. He is such a sociopath, mildly, and definitely reclusive. On the other hand, my mom couldn’t be MORE outgoing and personable. I like to think I got a little of both, but all I really want to do is stay in and watch movies and read books and travel (when I can afford it;). That is why I need to find something that makes me get out and challenge myself in a way that gives me some value. I think this improv thing could make me more personable and I am going to try it.